Monday, October 04, 2004

Oh, Mr. President? Forget About Poland.

First of all-- are you registered to vote? Well if you aren't then get hoppin'. Click here to check out what the deadlines are for registering in your state. Many deadlines have passed and the rest are coming up soon. There are record numbers of people registering- make sure you're one of them!

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:

The spin machine is turning, and sound is comin' out, but it's kind of like there isn't a record on the table. In answer to the purdy solid feeling that Kerry had won the debate, the Bush camp announced their own victorious performance. Hello-o? Even the spinmeister himself could not deny that his boy looked tense and peeved. Or maybe he could deny it. Karl Rove said that Kerry was "incoherent." ?!? Response from the Kerry camp? "Only when Joe Lockhart strolled through the media center did Team Kerry put a few points on the board. "They're doing 'Fantasy Island' and we're doing reality TV," the former White House spokesman said. "If you listen to them, George Bush is presiding over the most peaceful and prosperous time in a generation." Fantasy Island.... starring Karl Rove as Mr. Roarke, and George Bush as... is that a plane I hear?

Doesn't mean more of the spin ain't coming, though! First of all, "USAID said this week that it will restrict distribution of reports by contractor Kroll Security International showing that the number of daily attacks by insurgents in Iraq has increased." But never fear! The Pentagon is sending around real live Iraqi Americans to describe to people how things in Iraq really are. !?! Like where, in the Bizarro World or something? Perhaps this is in response to the emerging evidence "showing the U.S. government and a representative of President Bush's reelection campaign had been heavily involved in drafting the speech given to Congress last week by interim Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi." Well. We're shocked, shocked! We were so very fooled by the incredible resemblance that Allawi and Dubya's speeches bore to each other. And the strings....

Condi Rice is still trying to make the case for the whole mushroom-cloud-steel-tubes-we-weren't-totally-lying thing. Are there no jobs to be done over in the Nat Security office that might actually have an affect on something? Is anybody still listening?

Meanwhile Bush traveled to a swing state to sign Tax "Break" Number Four. Mostly because all the voters in the oval office were accounted for. Besides, they are all residents of the District of Columbia where nothing short of mass alien abductions will prevent those three electoral college votes from going to Kerry.

Fox "News" was doing it's job- and a tough job it was. Not a lotta good material to work from- so they just made some up. Now that's what we call ethical. The perpetrator? Why, Carl Cameron! No idea who he is? He'd be the schlub in Michael Moore's Farenheit 9/11 who in the pre-interview chatter with then-candidate Bush describes to the future PoTUS how his (Cameron's) wife is busy out campaigning for Dubya. No conflict of interest there-- never has any affect on his reporting or anything.

Even the movie industry (sort of) is trying to spin right.

The background to the spin? Well all Dubya's claims to a grand coalition-- he forgot about Poland!- seem to have been for naught. Poland is pulling out. Uh, Mr. President? Forget about Poland.

Then there is the threat that the Taliban and militia leaders are going to to disrupt the Afghan elections. Not like the double registering thing was a problem though. Not to mention issues with our own elections-- Diebold anyone?

The House appears to have come to its senses and refused to alter the constitution to install bigotry and inequality. Thankee, voice of reason!

Moscow is about to adopt the Kyoto Treaty on global warming. You know, the one that the Bush Administration refuses to sign because it would be bad for business. Apparently it has never occurred to anybody over there that there won't be much good business when we are all dead from pollution and flooding from global warming. Of course, it's probably good for the construction business in Florida, as new studies show there is quite possibly a connection between the increase in hurricanes and global warming. Plus this also means we are being bested by the Russians. Shouldn't this spur a reaction or something? Even Tony Blair is on about it. C'mon George, everybody's doin' it.

n the meantime it appears that Dubya has managed to piss off Arabs besides those living in Iraq, Iran, Egypt, Jordan, etc. This time it's Florida.

Rhode Island's Lincoln Chaffee hes declared he will vote across party lines for Mr. Kerry this November. He's no Zell Miller-- thank God. One Zellraiser is enough, thanks.

It appears that the lobbyist associated with the beleaguered Speaker of the House, who is being investigated for taking the dough from his 'non-profit' for his profit is also up to his eyeballs in "corruptly influenc(ing) Indian tribal elections in order to bilk tribes that operate gambling casinos out of more than $66 million in fees." Compassionate conservatism at its best!

Speaking of ironic, isn't it a little weird when the conservatives are spending like the end of the world is coming and just decide that balancing the budget is of no import ?

In case you didn't realize this, the man who loves to kick it with Darth Cheney in the duck blinds also has some other suggestions for kicking it. For that studmuffin Justice Antonin Scalia a great way to break up the social awkwardness is to have an orgie. Uhm. Justice Scalia + orgie = eeeuuuwww.

And please, someone give Elton John his medication.

Finally, Veep debate Tuesday night. Suddenly the Veep duke out is important!


Blogger Newzdoggie said...

You're hilarious. And you can spell. Keep up the good work. You restore my faith in the blogosphere.

October 4, 2004 at 10:15 PM

Blogger fast eddie said...

What if Elton and the Evil Fish had a baby? Would it look like doubleya?

October 4, 2004 at 10:30 PM

Blogger fast & wily said...

You know, when I saw the Evil Fish thing I totally forgot that I had once described Condi Rice in such terms. Instead I got an image of Mick Mars from the VH-1 Behind the Music about Motley Crue. Then I remembered I'd said he looked like an alien catfish. Then I imagined what the progeny of an Evil Fish and an Alien Catfish might look like. Then I got grossed out and forgot your question.

October 5, 2004 at 7:35 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is definitely one of your better efforts. Uh, were you smoking some of that stuff that's growing like crazy now in Afghanistan or what? Keep up the good work!

October 7, 2004 at 5:43 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Condi does look like a fish. And the very reptilian Ralph Reed looks like a snarky lizard. What would happen if....

October 7, 2004 at 5:47 PM


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