Thursday, October 14, 2004

Alien Invasions

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
(Red) Hotter'n Alabama Asphalt in July

The debate portion of our show has now come to a close, but we feel the need to make a couple of small notations. First of all, mistakes were made all around. But only one candidate lost control of his salivary glands.

On the opening question Kerry noted that Bush has said he wasn't concerned about Osama bin Forgotten's whereabouts. Bush got snarky, saying "Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations." Too bad for Dubya that Kerry quoted him verbatim from a March 13, 2002 press conference. Gosh, I just don't think you're right about that. It's kind of one of those fuck-ups.

Next up was the question about the shortage of flu shots. So why don't we have 'em? "Bob, we relied upon a company out of England" Hey, are you disparaging our brave allies Mr. Bush? Tell that to Tony Blair! Tell that to Silvio Berlusconi! Tell that to Aleksander Kwasniewski! Oh sorry, wrong stump speech.

Well, how are you gonna fix it Mr. Bush? "We're working with Canada to hopefully -- that they'll produce a -- help us realize the vaccine necessary to make sure our citizens have got flu vaccinations during this upcoming season." Canada? Is it safe to get drugs from Canada? Because you see, "what my worry is is that, you know, it looks like it's from Canada, and it might be from a third world. "

Kerry got to play the fiscal conservative, stating that "During the 1990s, we had pay-as-you-go rules. If you were going to pass something in the Congress, you had to show where you are going to pay for it and how. " In response the PoTUS decided to invent a new term: "He talks about PAYGO. I'll tell you what PAYGO means, when you're a senator from Massachusetts, when you're a colleague of Ted Kennedy, pay go means: You pay, and he goes ahead and spends."

First of all, paygo? The gratuitous Massachusetts + Ted Kennedy reference means the PoTUS is drowning here. (And PS as the head of the senate Dick Cheney is technically a "colleague" of Ted Kennedy) Mostly we think this is because if Kerry's economic plan is "paygo", then Bush's is "your grandkids pay and I go to the bank to make a deposit in Haliburton's account."

Mid-debate BS moment: Bush says "I went to Washington to solve problems."

On the archbishops telling their congregations that voting for Kerry is a sin (yeah, much worse than greed or gluttony or sloth. Voting for Kerry was the 8th mortal sin. They just ran out of room when they were writing them down), Bush's answer was "I think it's important to promote a culture of life. I think a hospitable society is a society where every being counts and every person matters." Huh. Every being? What about all those people on death row in Texas? Did they "matter"? Guess we have a different definition of what a "being" is.

When asked "Who bears responsibility for (rising health care costs)? Is it the government? Is it the insurance companies? Is it the lawyers? Is it the doctors? Is it the administration?"

Answer? BUSH: Gosh, I sure hope it's not the administration.

No comment necessary.

On how to pay for his health care coverage Kerry began by noting that "Well, two leading national news networks have both said the president's characterization of my health-care plan is incorrect. One called it fiction. The other called it untrue." Bush took the opportunity to bash CBS. "In all due respect, I'm not so sure it's credible to quote leading news organizations about -- oh, nevermind. " Guess who won't be invited to dinner at Bob Schieffer's house?

In a moment of clarity Bush said "There is a problem for our youngsters, a real problem. And if we don't act today, the problem will be valued in the trillions." And he wasn't even talking about his welfare for the wealthy tax breaks.

Bald-faced lie of the debate award goes to the PoTUS for this stinker: "He talks about middle-class tax cuts. That's exactly where the tax cuts went. Most of the tax cuts went to low- and middle-income Americans. And now the tax code is more fair. Twenty percent of the upper-income people pay about 80 percent of the taxes in America today because of how we structured the tax cuts."

Let's see. The top 10% got 53% of the money handed back in tax cuts. The bottom 60% got 14% of the money handed back in tax cuts. That's what "most of the tax cuts went to the low- and middle-income Americans" looks like? Quoting the WP: "According to an August report by the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office, Bush's tax cuts have shifted federal tax payments from the richest Americans to a wide swath of middle-class families. The effective federal tax rate of the top 1 percent of taxpayers has fallen from 33.4 percent to 26.7 percent, a 20 percent drop. In contrast, the middle 20 percent of taxpayers -- whose incomes averaged $51,500 in 2001 -- saw their tax rates drop 9.3 percent. The poorest taxpayers saw their taxes fall 16 percent." There's a word for this... it's, uh, it's... oh yeah. Shameless.

W
hen asked about raising the minimum wage the PoTUS bobbed, weaved and then went to education. Wha...? Mr. Bush, should we raise the minimum wage? "But let me talk about what's really important for the worker you're referring to. And that's to make sure the education system works. It's to make sure we raise standards. " Uh, actually, the worker making minimum wage really cares about whether or not the hourly wage is going to remain stagnant at $5.15/hour as it has been for nine years, or if it's going up to $7/hour as Kerry proposes. What does raising K-12 standards have to do with minimum wage for adults? "Listen, the No Child Left Behind Act is really a jobs act when you think about it. The No Child Left Behind Act says, "We'll raise standards."

NCLB is a jobs act when we think about it? Okay, let's think about it.... We thought about it. It's not a jobs act. It's swell that standards for K-12 are going to be raised (especially if you bothered to fund it), but check it out: K-12 standards are not a jobs act for a woman in her forties. Is the PoTUS suggesting that is a 42 year old man in Dayton go back to fourth grade to take advantage of the NCLB Act as a "jobs program"?

"But in return for extra spending, we now want people to measure -- states and local jurisdictions to measure to show us whether or not a child can read or write or add and subtract." Well watch this: we can add and subtract, too. $7.00 minus $5.15 = $1.85/hour. That's what the PoTUS is denying anybody working minimum wage.

Of course, perhaps he has a plan after all. That $5.15/hour is sure better for the corporation than having to pay $7/hour. And, as Bush pointed out when asked about immigration, "If you can make 50 cents in the heart of Mexico, for example, or make $5 here in America, $5.15, you're going to come here if you're worth your salt, if you want to put food on the table for your families." Suddenly makes those temporary worker cards come into focus.

"I remember a lady in Houston, Texas, told me, "Reading is the new civil right," and she's right." Reading is the new civil right? What year is it? 1854? Frederick Douglass has been dead for more than a century!

Moment of clarity when PoTUS says "You cannot solve a problem unless you diagnose the problem. " You can say that again. It's kind of like you can't solve a problem when you refuse to answer the question.

For example, when the moderator asks "you had never said whether you would like to overturn Roe v. Wade. So I'd ask you directly, would you like to?" And you answer:

BUSH: What he's asking me is, will I have a litmus test for my judges? And the answer is, no, I will not have a litmus test. I will pick judges who will interpret the Constitution, but I'll have no litmus test.

?? Actually, what he asked was "would you like to overturn Roe v. Wade." See how that works? He says "would you like to overturn Roe v. Wade", and what he's asking you, "directly", is "would you like to overturn Roe v. Wade."

When asked why he didn't do more to get the ban on assualt weapons renewed, the PoTUS said he was for "backdown checks". What's a backdown check? Is that when you ask to buy an assault weapon and the clerk says no, if you backdown you're out of luck?

Last question was totally silly, and Bob Schieffer should hang his head in shame.

In other news, it appears that the GOP has come clean about the box on Bush's back. He's an alien. While there is a certain comfort in knowing that it is not actually a transmitter for the PoTUS to get debating instructions from Karl Rove, it is a little disconcerting. I mean, this is an example of an alien race smart enough to figure out how to successfully complete long distance space travel? Somebody must be doing too many bong hits over at NASA, man, cause if this guy can do it we really should of been further ahead on this thing.

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