Monday, September 27, 2004

Saa-wing batta batta batta batta saa-wing batta

First of all, for all the naysayers out there, it seems that voter registration rolls are up in swing states, and in Ohio and Florida in particular. And the Dems are much better at it. Doesn't mean they will all vote with the Dems, but it does mean all hope is not lost.

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:

Yes, people, chartreuse. It ain't for lack of trying neither, but really, this tired ole 'things is gettin' better in Iraq' schtick is like listening to a 45 single spinning at 33rpm.

Okay, we have all heard our fearless leader wax rhapsodic about the "progress" being made in Iraq, and much eye-rolling and blood pressure rising has followed to be sure. However, from his ranch in Crawford where he plays cowboy Dubya told reporters on Sunday that he had no regrets about the flyboy flight deck mission accomplished PR dud of May 2003. Yes, folks, he is saying that he does not regret making the most patently ridiculous statement of the year. Even when it was pointed out to him that since his 'mission' was 'accomplished' more than 900 American soldiers have died in his war, he still said he was going to stand by this statement.

Yes, that was the sound of our collective jaws hitting the floor.

Dear Lord, please can someone ask him what the hell he means by "progress"? How is this mission "accomplished"? Is it the kidnappings and beheadings? Is it the hepititis outbreak in Sad'r City from water and sewage breakdowns? Is it the ever dimming hope for an election that might allow everyone to vote? Perhaps it is the data collected by Kroll Security International for the U.S. Agency for International Development that indicates that there are around 70 attacks a day- up from 40 to 50 a day before the June 28th 'handover'? Or is the hopeless and abandoned unit that is considered emblamatic of US errors? Perhaps it is the way in which Al Qaeda is now seen as an even bigger threat than it was in 2001? How about when a new Iraqi commander is arrested for being in with the insurgents? Or maybe it is the way his own people keep pointing out that shit ain't going right- like Gen. John Abizaid, who says the elections are bound to be flawed. Or when Colin Powell says the Iraqi uprising is growing? We just gotta ask- what the hell are the standards by which progress is being judged?

So what to do when you are staying what anyone with half a clue can see is the most destructive course? Blame it on your opponent. Go ahead, call him a pussy! You know you wanna! It certainly does distract from the fact that Jimmy Carter (you know, the guy with the Nobel Peace Prize) says that elections in Florida are sure to be a bunch of hooey. (Okay, he didn't say hooey, exactly, but we're sure it's what he meant).

It might also distract a little from the fact that it is the ten year anniversary of the GOP's contract with America- and that after ten years of GOP rule in congress and the last four with control over the WH too they appear to have not achieved any of their goals. Funny, that. Must be all the fault of the "liberal media" (Bwah-haw-haw-haw!)

But none of this has to do with oil. C'mon, Luke! Snap out of it! Darth Cheney is trying to use a Jedi mind trick on you!

And this just in-- Osama 'probably' in Pakistan. Well shit, dawg, if you know that why don't you go after him? Unless, of course, you already got...ooohhh. We're taking bets on the date of the unveiling. Oct. 24th and 27th are already taken.

Seems the Valerie Plame investigation has fizzled. Imagine that. Condi Rice gets up and calls the woman Ms. Plume a couple of times (as in 'I'm so not involved I don't even know her name!') and *poof* the whole thing goes up in a plume of smoke.

By the way, the six party talks with North Korea seem to have disappeared into a mushroom cloud, er, plume, er, puff of smoke. You remember the North Koreans? They're the rogue state who claims to have nuclear weapons. No biggie.

Meanwhile CBS is suppressing its own story on the administration's reliance on false documents in their insistence on pursuing the Iraq war until after the elections. Because you wouldn't want any information on that to get out before November 2nd.

We hope you are all ready for watching the showdown on Thursday between the disciples of Rollin G. Osterweis. Believe it or not the candidates shared more than a school and a secret society: Kerry and Dubya had the same debate coach at Yale. 'Course, one of these men was a straight C student at Yale. The other one is Kerry.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell it, sister! And where is the US in regards to getting some hurricane aid into Haiti, anyway? Are we just gonna let 'em all rot from gangrene so they stop jumping into boats and landing here, or what?

September 28, 2004 at 10:57 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell it, sister! And where is the US in regards to getting some hurricane aid into Haiti, anyway? Are we just gonna let 'em all rot from gangrene so they stop jumping into boats and landing here, or what?

September 28, 2004 at 10:57 AM

Blogger fast & wily said...

Right on! That is what I'm talking about! Apparently Haiti is only important when you feel like doin' a little regime changing or something. I mean, damn, if they can send aid money to Cuba, which for reasons totally unclear to the reasonable is on super-embargo-lockdown (El Heffe better be checking his cigars, yo), then is it really not possible to send a little to Haiti where thousands have died in flooding? Then again, the island in Florida's other back yard has consistently had 80% of its population without access to clean drinking water- so why would they start caring now?

September 28, 2004 at 10:12 PM


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