Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Monster Trucks!

In the wake of last week's horrifying terrorist attack on a school, Russian President Vladimir Putin looked deep in his heart and pulled up a little Stalin. In order to 'combat' terrorism, Putin is proposing to pull the government back from the brink of democracy, giving himself even more control over the political scene and opportunities for legitimate opposition. In a strike against "Those who inspire, organize and carry out terrorist acts are striving to disintegrate the country," Putin is proposing to appoint governors rather than their being elected, which begs the question of whether or not Putin believes that the governors, like the teachers' union, are terrorists. Perhaps someone should ask Bush, after all, he looked into the man's soul and hired Rod Paige.

All that stuff about Colin Powell yesterday.. forget it, he's back on board.

If Dick Cheney didn't manage to scare you with his 'vote for us or die' speech, then his running mate has a different threat for you: he says Kerry's health care plan will be a "government takeover." Huh. I would have thought that after the Patriot Act was done taking over there wouldn't be much left to take. Go figure.

The NYTimes has a great piece by an accountant explaining all the ways in which the GOP 'simpler' tax forms will, in fact, add all new levels of complexity and confusion.

There are cries from the WP today that demented voters might get into polling stations, as they apparently did in 2000. Explains a lot about Florida. If your grandmother thinks it's 1942, maybe it's best if she stays home that day. Especially if she has been listening to the PoTUS' mathematics lessons. Apparently his descriptions of costs for the four additional years he proposes taking vacations in Texas rather than living there full time will actually cost an extra $3 trillion he isn't owning up to. Gee, George, it looks to me like you dropped about 18 zeros off your total.

One might also think he dropped a zero off the troop totals in Afghanistan, were one concerned about terrorism and Osama bin Laden, the guy behind 9/11 (I know this is confusing since the Veep keeps insisting it was Saddam and Rummy can't keep them straight, but really, this is the guy). There are 140,000 in Iraq, and only 20,000 in Afghanistan. Wow, might lead you to believe that Osama isn't really much of a priority, huh? Of course, in an interview with Wolf Blizter Condi Rice had this to say:

BLITZER: But Ayman al-Zawahiri and Osama bin Laden, his boss, they are still at large.

RICE: They're still at large, but they're at large and on the run. They're not sitting and directing operations from a base in Afghanistan. It doesn't make them not dangerous. Of course they're dangerous. But we have to look at the tremendous progress that we've made over the last three years in making their lives miserable.

Well, there you go! Osama orchestrates 9/11, and this administration makes his life miserable. Who needs to catch these people when you can make him live in a damp cave?

Speaking of Condi Rice, warner of mushroom clouds, she had some stern words for North Korea on CNN. First of all, the mushroom cloud isn't believed to be a mushroom cloud, and even though the North Koreans say they were blowing up a mountain in order to build a dam, Condi now speculates that it might have been a forest fire. This happens all the time, right? Hell, last time I was in LA there was a forest fire outside of town and it felt like Nevada 1952! But we all figure the North Koreans must be shaking in their shoes, right? The administration convinces itself that Iraq had WMDs and they got invaded. Now they've got a mushroom cloud on the horizon, shit shit, dude, so busted! Right, cause you're mom has no idea what pot smells like. So here is what Condi had to say, talking tough:

"And so the North Koreans would only succeed in isolating themselves further if they're somehow trying to gain negotiating leverage or their own October surprise. We don't know. They would simply serve to isolate themselves even further."

That's right. Kim Jong Il might have exploded a nuclear device, and if he did, well, that's going to isolate him. Well, that would suck, huh? To go from being the most isolated country in the world to, uh...wait a second....

The WP today has an article about Li Dang, who is trying against all odds to wake up the Chinese government to the AIDS epidemic that is happening whether they acknowledge it or not. He is either shockingly naive, possessed of superhuman bravery, or perhaps both. Without these qualities, nothing of real import ever gets done (think of Ghandi!), so take a little of Mr. Li's bravery to heart and push the world to change for the better.

One place to start would be to make sure no one you know buys an extreme truck. But maybe you don't know any complete dumbasses, in which case you should pick a more worthy cause.


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