Thursday, September 16, 2004

Bounce this, bitch!

The Spinmeister Alert today is:
Red Hot

Where to start where to start where to start...? Well, could start with the news that George Soros is asking for a probe into the ethics of Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert making public and potentially slanderous remarks about the provenance of Soros' money. Hastert stated that Soros' fortune might be the result of the illegal drug trade. Interesting theory, and yet utterly without substantiation. Kind of like statements made by people wearing tin foil hats claiming to have cloned alien babies. Except potentially illegal rather than just weird.

What else? Well, to my mind the most underplayed story of the day is that Kofi Annan declared the war in Iraq illegal. Did you miss that? It kind of felt like everyone in the media did too-- it was not front page on either the WP or the NYTimes. One might suspect that the head of the United Nations declaring of the invasion:

"I have indicated it was not in conformity with the UN charter from our point of view, from the charter point of view, it was illegal."

One might think this would prompt a flurry of denials and accusations from the invading party- and the UK and Australia were immediate in their responses, including an official spokesperson for the UK foreign office and Australia's Prime Minister Howard. From the Bush administration? Well, they've got
Randy Scheunemann on their side! Randy Scheunemann? Who the hell is that? Why, he is a former Bush administration aide. He used to work for Rummy. And he's 'angry', so everyone better watch out for Randy- he'll have that Kofi Annam yiping home with his tail between his legs! I'm glad to see they got out the big guns. But the real question is- where the hell is Poland? Why aren't they calling for Annan's head?

When the media don't think it's a story, there ain't no point in wasting the spin.

Wait! What is that I see on the horizon?? Could it be?? I suddenly feel like I should be wearing day glo orange ray-ban sunglasses and fingerless lacy gloves...

That "eleven point bounce" that was much discussed- particularly in conjunction with labelling the Kerry campaign a "disaster"- has bounced back. Bush and Kerry now appear to be running neck and neck according to polls (of which I am avowedly always suspicious). How to spin this:

" In the Harris Interactive poll, 51 percent said they do not believe Bush "deserves to be re-elected for another four years," compared with 45 percent who said they do, according to The Wall Street Journal."

Huh. Now, if I were a spinmeister, I would do all I could to create a distraction. War in Iraq not going so great, economy not so hot, gas prices up, and now all these major probes into whether or not the PoTUS disobeyed a direct order while he was shirking his duty in the guard! Shit shit shit-- everything seems to be going to hell! Unless...

Unless the documents prove to be faked... Jackpot! What could be better than this? This is like manna from heaven!! Manna from heaven? you say, scraching your head. How the hell can having your guy be called a priviledged ass who couldn't take orders be manna from heaven? Okay, listen here peeps, I'm gonna break it down for you:

1) Papers come out which state that PoTUS did not show up for duty, disobeyed a direct order to get physical, was all around goof-off, and that his CO was PO'd about having to sugarcoat what a lout his charge was because of who he was.
2) Is that a typewriter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Papers printed out on computer, not typewriter. Uh-oh.
3) Papers fake = accusations fake?
4) Scott McClellan, the WH spokesman (read: Spinderella) says:
"It's really because Sen. Kerry cannot win when the discussion is on the issues and the future for the American people," he said. "There is no question about the timing (of the attacks) and there is no question that this is an orchestrated effort by the Kerry campaign and Democrats to bring down the president."
5) Now no one is paying attention to the content of the papers because they are forged, and no one is paying attention to any issues, because Scott McClellan says we should be angry/worried that he thinks the Kerry campaign is forging documents about Bush's decidedly poor showing in the Guard.
6) The din becomes so loud, what with the media prostrating itself, and people asking who authenticated the documents, that one might wonder who is paying attention to what the woman who used to type the good Colonel's letters has to say on the topic: "I know that I didn't type them," she said in an interview with CBS. "However, the information in those is correct."
7) And to tie it all up in a neat bow, the Queen of Slander puts out an op-ed piece bashing the "elite media," who blame Karl Rove for everything. Like they shouldn't or something.

Now everybody put on your tin foil hat because it is now conspiracy theory time. The possiblity that this might be pure spin had not occurred to me until I read about the possibility in the paper.... Imagine if this were spin. What amazing spin that would be! By admitting in writing to all of the horrible things that your boy is said to have done- and then pull the rug out from under the accusations by having forged real charges. Is it possible? This is pretty spectacular, even for a dirty tricks professional. But if it is then this would be Red Hot Spin.

By the way, I found this headline today: Miss America to Showcase More Skin, Less Talent. Uhhh, less talent?

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