Sunday, August 29, 2004

I was reading the Washington Post this morning and came across this startling headline:

Conservatives for Kerry? Here's your man An Old Nixon Hand Smacks the Bushes.

What? old hands smacking bush? Kiddie porn and spanking? What is going on here? I was only slightly disappointed to discover that there was no leather involved, but it does have Kevin Phillips, the former Nixon aide, saying he would like to "put Bush on a slow boat to China with all full warning to the Chinese submarine fleet." He does, however, "pucker like he has inhaled a pickle," which is almost as good as S&M.

There is also an article entitled Pakistan Losing Grip on Extremists, which to me begs the question of when, exactly, the Pakistanis had a grip on extremists. The WP explains this by saying that:

The development is a disquieting one, foreign diplomats said, because it suggests that Pakistan's security services may be losing control over home-grown militants they once embraced as allies, first in the struggle against the Soviets in Afghanistan and more recently against Indian forces in Kashmir.

So the "grip" in question is the "embrace" of allies? So are we supposed to happy or scared that Pakistan is no longer embracing extremists or gripping their allies? Is that what you are supposed to do with allies? Maybe this explains that picture of Rummy gripping paws with the erstwhile King of the Spider Hole. Wait a second, was that having a grip on extremists, or embracing an ally? Wait a second, is it possible that an unelected, undemocratic and cruel dictator was once an ally? Pshaw, never happen- we don't support dictators! Especially ones that come into power by military coups! Except for Musharraf. Wait a second, how did he become an ally? Well, whatever, we must embrace our allies! The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and the friend of my friend is, uh, my friend, too! So the anti-Soviet fighters in Afghanistan (the enemy of my enemy) were my embraced allies, and the friend of my friend (the embraced ally friend of my friend Pakistan) are also my friends. But wait, those friends are running shadowy organizations in the hills of Afghanistan, and I'm now friends with the Soviets, er, Russians, so they are the enemy of the friend and the friend of my friend, who has lost his grip. Uh, down with shadowy organizations, they are bastions of extremists! And you will see by my clear and concise logic that Pakistan has lost its grip on the White House lawyers.

3 Comments:

Blogger fast eddie said...

i know of no unknown friends who are known to be known enemies of known friends of ours. therefore, john kerry is a known friend of osama bin laden. the swift boat veterans for truth saw osama on the boat with kerry that day. we know this is the truth.

August 29, 2004 at 4:02 PM

 
Blogger Calamity Jane said...

When possible, avoid White House lawyers. Whatever happens, do NOT embrace them. Or let them grip you.

August 29, 2004 at 6:39 PM

 
Blogger fast & wily said...

I have heard that they teach all you lawyer-types the kung-fu grip in law school. But only if you go to an Ivy.

August 29, 2004 at 7:25 PM

 

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